I have some things on my mind. Firstly, I am tired. I am tired of trying so hard to find time for all of the things I love; writing, lettering, calligraphy, photography. I am tired of posting in so many different places. To begin saving time, I am working through some ideas to make them all work together. I am pretty excited for the future of the blog and for my calligraphy and lettering business, Berkshire Love Letters.
While I have been thinking of how to make these things happen, the world has caught fire with hate. The state of racism in this country breaks my heart. I have been having many conversations with my children about white privilege, police brutality, how to find the helpers, how to be an ally, and the history of racism. These conversations are difficult to have with such young kids. There are lots of questions to be answered. There was a lot of confusion to clear up. They have been taught that humans are humans. The idea that someone could be hurt or killed because of the color of their skin hasn’t set well with them so I’ve been emotionally supporting them. While working on my unit here, I developed some insomnia because I couldn’t stop thinking. I couldn’t stop thinking about protests. I couldn’t stop thinking about the people who have lost their lives. I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversations the BIPOC communities must have with their children. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I feel so inadequate. I couldn’t stop thinking about how sad I am. How angry I am. So I stopped sleeping. Because of that, I have been not well. Having an autoimmune disease and chronic virus, adequate sleep is very important for not having flare ups. I deleted my social media apps from my phone and have checked out. Another aspect of white privilege is that I can do this. I felt guilty. I still feel guilty. But I have to prioritize my health or I am useless as a person and especially as mother. The world can’t change if we don’t start within our immediate families so that is where I am focusing my heart right now.
I haven’t written in over a month. I was so busy helping out a new friend with a very special project. At the end of May, he launched a beautiful community called The Feely Human Collective. I started working with him on small pieces of the project in March and all the free time I had was tied up in that. I really believe in this wonderful thing he has created and I highly recommend, if you are reading this, that you give it a gander. He has a free workshop on the foundations of Feely Human called Feely Human 101. It focuses on empathy, vulnerability, and emotional wayfinding. There has never been a more important time to take this workshop. The group is for so many people and the website is full of great information. If you are an HSP, an empath, or just live your life in kindness, it is for you. It is especially for you if you would like to better yourself.
Since the launch of Feely Human, I have been able to step back a little bit and with my break from social media I have spent a lot of time living. I have been trying to stay on top of chores, I have had more patience with the kids. The biggest project I have done is dig sod out of an area of our front yard where my butterfly garden will be. Each year, a large amount of milkweed grows. So I removed the sod around the milkweed that has already come up and we will be adding lots of flowers that attract pollinators. It is almost Monarch season and I am looking forward to raising and releasing even more than I did last year. My goal is 160. I may need to add more milkweed.
I am experiencing a terrible headache today due to an allergy attack. My nose is a faucet, my jaw and my teeth hurt, and I am ready to rip my head off. I have to keep on pushing forward so I figured I would take a minute to sit down and write this out. Because it has been a while. And I miss writing.
We are still here. Isolating. Staying put. Staying home even while things are slowly opening around us. No need to rush into something that we don’t need. We have our health now, we have food in the refrigerator, and we are fortunate to have a lot of room to explore. We will continue leading with our hearts, loving each other, and learning to be good people.